Thought Of The Day: that's the funny thing about romance. if you had to ask for it, it takes away all the romance.

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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

FW: no subject

it's been a long time since i've wrote anything. i believe that this blog thing will slowly fade into some fortnightly thing. i don't have much to write about....nothing exciting ever happens to me.

for those of you who haven't been updated...i am leaving to work in singapore in exactly a months time. initially i was pretty excited but it's slowly wearing off and the fear is starting to settle in. i've never really been away from home. although i pride myself in being independent and able to take care of myself...i'm slowly starting to believe that all my strength has been derived from the people around me. and soon i'll be gone to the land of kiasu's where no one speaketh proper english and i'll only be able to come back once a month (if i'm lucky).

i used to joke to my friends that i'll always be there to see them off at the airport when they go abroad to study. i used to think that i'll spend the rest of my life back here. well...i guess things change. but then again...i'm only going to be there for two years...unless i get there and end up enjoying myself tremendously. but for now...it's just the two years. i wonder if anyone will even notice that i'm gone :)

anyway....there was a point in time today where i looked back at all the stupid things i've done over the years. the mistakes i've made....the idiotic things i did just for kicks....the friends i made...the friends i've lost. it comes as no surprise that i ended up where i am today. and the part that upsets me the most is that i have only myself to blame for all of that. i wish i could blame someone else.....but if i did i'd only be in denial. there are certain things that i've done that will never be forgotten by some....other more important things that should be remembered but have passed into a fading memory. and then i realized that i shouldn't be expecting anything from anyone. i shouldn't expect people to appreciate my efforts or the sacrifices that i've made. i shouldn't blame anyone for my shortcomings or my failures. only i will know the reasons as to why i did certain things...only i will know the sincerity of my actions...and if i believe in myself...then i don't have to answer to anyone...and i don't have to apologise for anything.

it seems as if this is the season for dark skies and blue eyes. many people that i know...including myself...are trapped in the midst of some very tough times. all i have to say is live by the day. it's easier to get through a lifetime if you just take it one day at a time...don't expect anything from anyone...and don't expect anyone to understand what you're going through. the only person that truly knows how you feel and what you're going through is yourself.

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Sunday, March 14, 2004

just google it!!

it is no secret that google.com is the largest and most comprehensive search engine in the world. everytime i'm looking for something i'll just google it. anyway...inspired by my brother and his strange ways...i decided to google image search my name and here is my favourite

after a very very long hiatus in the field...i decided to return to playing futsol. i must admit that all this hanging around watching movies and veg-ing out in front of the tv has done nothing for me in terms of physical health. i've put on so much weight it's not funny...and the not funny part about it is that the weight comes in the form of fats that is concentrated on my tummy area. i look like a pregnant lady who's going to have triplets. ok maybe i'm exaggerating a tad bit but i do believe that my tummy has grown somewhat and it's not in proportion to the rest of my skinny body. now i just look like one of those somalian kids....skin and bones except for the stomach. oh well...no point doting on things that i'm not bothered to change. i like eating unhealthy stuff but i hate exercising so i guess it's all my own fault.

anyway...2 more days before i attend the audition in singapore. after yesterdays' excrutiating 8 hour work day i've decided that i might not go after all...unless the money is really good. even then...it has to be so good that i just can't say no. the odds of that happening are so slim but i figured i might as well go for the audition anyway. listen to what they have to offer...maybe the working conditions in singapore are different. decisions decisions! i was so set on going but now i don't think i can hack teaching 8 hours a day. the whole one on one thing just isn't my idea of an 8 hour day. i'd prefer something where i can go out and get a breath of fresh air and meet people. being stuck in an air conditioned studio with kids for more than 3 hours is bad enough.

high of the day: beef pepperoni and cheese

low of the day: stepping into a puddle of water (i hate it when my shoes and socks become all squishy)

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Saturday, March 13, 2004

i survived!!!

i survived an 8 hour work day today. the last time i worked for more than 8 hours was when i had 2 jobs which was 2 years ago. but even then i didn't teach for 8 hours...i had the luxury of watching movies all day (that was seriously my job) and teaching at nights. that provided somewhat of a balance. but today...i taught for 8 hours and i have to say that it's not fun. then again...which job is fun? after the excrutiating 8 hour experience i'm starting to wonder whether i really want to go to singapore and teach 8 hours a day 6 days a week. i've always thought that if i did move down south i'd probably be so bored that i'd be happy to go to work. i think i might have jumped the gun on that one.

anyway...i haven't been out much these few days. trying to stay home and reorganize some stuff. i've managed to sort out all my dvds and vcds and whatever nots that were sprawled across my table. some of my vcds didn't have covers and those that did probably didn't match the titles. my brother has this tendency to just leave things everywhere so i found my 'confidence' dvd in the 'big fish' cover and the 'big fish' dvd is still at large. oh well...hopefully i can clear everything up without losing anything but at the rate i'm going that would be very unlikely.

time to go take a nap. i've never done an 8 hour day before and now i feel pooped.

high of the day: chicken lasagna

low of the day: 9am this morning when i realized i'm in for a long day

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Thursday, March 11, 2004

the great escape

i was just reading an excerpt from a book called 'the great escape' and i have to admit i'm very intrigued. i'll probably try to get my hands on a copy after it releases later this month. the title sounds mildly like a fictional book but it's non-fiction. it's about the close ties that the United States and the Saudi's share and the secrets that they kept. i love secrets...hehehe. there's been a whole lot of talk about whether the saudi's knew about 9/11 before it even happened and this book claims that they did. i've heard many stories regarding this issue...and i know it's been the ongoing topic of discussion for the past 3 years or so...i don't think we'll ever find out the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

anyway...reading the whole article got me to thinking about politics. people our age are, more often than not, oblivious to world politics. yes we know that Bush is the current president...yes we know the Badawi is not prime minister...yes we know that saddam has been captured...yes we know that the americans were the ones who sold billions of dollars in weapons to most of the middle eastern countries. but there's more to it than just that...we don't know why the americans are such backstabbing two-headed snakes...we don't know why the muslims have so much hatred for the christians and vice versa...we don't know what the hell is happening to israel. ok...maybe i shouldn't say we...maybe i should just say 'i'. all this while i've been living my own little country...one that isn't interested in what's happening outside...one that's only interested on what's happening within.

it's no secret that every group of friends at one point or another encounter some internal politics. i don't like you...but i'll pretend to like you because if i hate you then the rest of them will dislike me too. i'll friend you but only because you're close to this person i wanna get to know that person better. those are some of the common problems that arise in a group of friends. i've seen it many many times....i've spent many hours talking about it and sometimes trying to resolve the situation. and although i try to remain neutral and free of judgement...i must admit that i do participate in some of those activities as well. just like the bin laden family and the americans...they create a relationship based on the 'what's in it for us' theory. the americans supply weapons...the saudi's sell them oil at a decent price. both parties are happy but that's the basis of their relationship...it's all about politics and economics.

we keep secrets from our friends...we pretend to be a certain type of person just to please everyone. we pretend to be nonchalant...we pretend to be supportive...we pretend to be agreeable. we try to secure a place that makes us in favour rather than to be brutally honest and risk being ostracized. am i one of those people? maybe i am...but i'm glad that i found my place within a group of friends that understands how judgemental...in-the-face honest and bitchy i truly am. by the way...when i say we i'm not pointing fingers at anyone directly :)

movies that i've watched over the past few days:
- in the cut
- shattered glass

it's been a slow few days. i'm more inclined to do crossword puzzles nowadays.

high of the day: for love or money 2

low of the day: the anger and rage i felt when KTMB refused to answer its phones from 3pm to 9pm

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Wednesday, March 10, 2004

oh the horror!!!!

just finished watching this B grade movie on astro...it is just the most horrific thing ever made. i can't even remember the title...something creature or creature something. doesn't take a neurosurgeon to figure out that it's about a creature but boy was it an ugly creature. looks like someone who just slapped on a rubber lizard suit...jumps like a monkey and growls like an idiot. the thing that i just don't get are the characters and the roles they're supposed to play. there are a pair of twins...wes and steve and apparently wes died a few years back. later on this creature comes along...turns out it's wes. apparently some doctor injected some reptile DNA into his system and turned him into a lizard...hence the rubber lizard suit. anyway...later on i find out that wes...the creature...is actually the other twin...steve. turns out that wes (the original wes) killed steve because of a girl. he then assumes the identity of steve after he kills his twin brother. but throughout the entire show...it seemed as if the girl was with wes (the dead wes who turns out to be steve) instead of the original wes...the one who killed his twin brother and assumed his identity later on. i know it all sounds confusing...and it is. i'm scarred for life.

ooh...i stumbled upon this webbie called salon.com...it's got some interesting articles...very well written. there's entertainment stuff...world news...world politics...blah blah. i used to visit it everyday when i was younger until about 3 years ago when they started charging. i hate it when they do that...they let you read a paragraph and then you scroll down and there's this announcement saying that if you want to read the full article you have to pay like 20 dollars a year or something. what a tease! anyway...they're back to being a free webbie...actually not entirely. there are certain articles that can be read for free...others that can't. either we pay 10cents a day to subscribe or we watch a short ad for a day pass. i don't have to think to know what i'm going to do. so if you guys are interested in a good read...go visit salonmag.com.

high of the day: mashed potatoes

low of the day: something creature...creature something

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Tuesday, March 09, 2004

crosswordmania

for those of you who don't know me...i'm a crossword puzzle addict. every night before i go to sleep i attempt to complete one crossword puzzle from the many lovatts crossword puzzle books that i have (thanks sui san). and i realize...after downloading some crossword puzzle softwares and stuff...that my obsession with crossword puzzles is getting a bit out of hand. it used to be something that i just do to try and put me to sleep or just to pass time....now it's something that i want to come home to. i know i know...i'm lame...but i like the challenge...and i like the idea of exercising my brain cause heck i don't do that very often on a daily basis. anyway...i should really tone down on the puzzles and shit.

hasn't been a very eventful few days. i'll be on holiday next week so i'm trying really hard not to miss any classes this week. gotta fight the urge...not easy. haven't been watching many movies or going out much these few days. i guess i figured that i should take some time off by myself to figure out this whole singapore extravaganza stuff. i'll be leaving for singapore for my audition in a week and i should be prepared...both performance wise and mentally as well. and i need to know what i want from them if they offer me a job and how much i'd expect cause i don't want to waste time deliberating and stuff.

anyway...i was talking to a friend recently and he mentioned that he's always thought of me as emotionally unavailable. that i seem uninterested in relationships and commitment. i guess it's true...i'm at a stage in my life where i just want to enjoy what i have without being tied down. i want to be able to do what i want...whenever i want and not have to answer to anyone but myself (and occassionally my mom). but that doesn't mean that i won't end up in a relationship in the near future. i guess i've always believed that 'if it happens...it happens'. i'm not going to go out of my way and look for someone to fall in love with...i'm not going to look at every guy as a potential candidate. i'm enjoying my single life.... which some people also say is something i keep telling myself as a defense mechanism....i believe i am truly enjoying it. after being tied down for so long i've come to appreciate my own time...the times where i get to do the things that i want by myself i.e. crossword puzzles...watching 3 movies in a day...veg-ing out in front of the tv....reading trashy novels.

i realize that nowadays...being attached is not so much about emotions anymore. it's more about having someone there. having someone to hold...having someone to wine and dine with...having someone to talk to...someone to go out with. there are some people who are attached purely because everyone else is. i don't see a point in that...i don't see a point in being with someone when there are no emotions involved...when there is no 'love'. relationships are not supposed to be out of convenience....are they? if i'm lonely or if i need someone to talk to...i'll go find my friends...i'm not about to go out and find a stand-in boyfriend...someone who'll just fill up the silence and the space.

this post has no real reason...no real purpose...except to fill up my time and space.

high of the day: waffles

low of the day: the pissy rain

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Saturday, March 06, 2004

let's get personal

i keep thinking that tomorrow is monday...i guess it's because i've had quite an eventful weekend. i managed to catch harith iskandar at actors studio on friday night. he was doing a stand up show and it was absolutely hilarious. it's not so much the things he said that tickled me but more of his expressions and antics that made me roll over. the opening act was done by a relatively new comer to the theatre scene...rizal van geyzel. he's only 20 (according to him but i don't know how credible artistes are when it comes to revealing their age) and he's already opening for harith. i have to admit that he did quite a good job....he had me choking a couple of times. he was only on for about 10 mins but i'm pretty sure that i'd be rolling on the floor if he had the whole show to himself. not that harith was bad but this guy was different. anyway...they will be ending their run tomorrow afternoon so if any of you guys actually read this....let alone read this before 2pm...go catch it. i doubt there'll be any seats left but it's worth the try.

since the topic of my blog is 'let's get personal'...here's the first of what will be many attempts of revealing who i 'think' i truly am.

anyway....my days seem to be getting shorter and shorter. i guess when you have things to occupy you time just seems to slip by. my mind has been filled with many thoughts...mostly about singapore. as the days pass by and my audition date draws near i keep thinking about it. i still don't know whether it's a good idea or not...but heck i've got nothing to lose by going for the audition. i actually gain a short holiday (if i just keep telling myself that it would make things easier). haven't been to singapore in more than a year...i doubt it's changed much but i have to see it to believe it. anyway...i guess i've decided to 'wing' it...take it as it comes and make my decisions when everything is more or less confirmed.

i have a friend who's having some relationship trouble lately. and it seems as if it was only yesterday that i was in sort of a similar situation. but then as i look back i realize that it's already been 2 years. anyway...he was asking for advice and stuff and being my usual self i try not to say too much because i suck at giving advice when it comes to relationship problems. and i don't want to be the one who just keeps chanting the words 'look at the silver lining' or 'things will get better in time' cause heck i curse those people who kept trying to drill it into me when i was having trouble. all i could say was 'it's easier said than done' and it's definitely true. but eventually it has to be done...somewhere somehow...and like some famous person once said...better sooner than later. no matter how much i hated to hear those encouraging words....i knew that they were right. eventually i'd have to pick myself up and move on. ooh...and i hate it when people say 'time will heal'. there are certain things that can heal in time and certain things that can't. if i stubbed my toe it definitely will heal in time...but there is no 100% guarantee that emotional wounds will. i haven't fully recovered from my horrendous experience...and it's been 2 years. but like i said...regardless of whether i fully recover or not...i still have to move on.

anyway....here's another shocker. my friend told me that i seem like the kinda person who lives by the day. someone who doesn't commit...someone who doesn't place expectations....someone who doesn't plan the future. well...i have to say that i am all that to a certain extent. my motto used to be 'don't expect anything so you won't be disappointed when you don't get anything'. i guess my motto hasn't changed much over the years...i still try my best not to expect anything...not from my friends...my family...God...or the world. i don't think the world owes me anything and i definitely don't believe that God owes me anything.

anyway...i have to admit that i was stunned. i never thought of myself as a person who lived by the day...i didn't think my friends thought of me that way either. so it got me to thinking....what changed me? i used to have dreams...although i can barely remember what they were anymore. i used to know what i wanted in life and i had plans for the future. but all of that is lost now. circumstances have changed....or should i say...i've grown up. it's very apparent that as children we were carefree. there was no need to worry about where our next meal was coming from or how the bills will be paid. we had dreams...most of which seemed pretty logical and obtainable at that moment. i remember very clearly that i wanted to be an astronaut when i was 12. little did i know that malaysia did not have a space agency and that i would have to be fluent in physics and mathematics and all that crap that has to do with numbers and equations. my mom implanted the ideals of falling in love....getting married and having kids. as a girl who hasn't even hit puberty i bought the whole lot of it. so i dreamed...i imagined the years to come and how i'd meet the perfect man and fall in love and the whole works.

what our parents didn't tell us was that sometimes things don't work out. i guess they figured that we'll learn it on our own. we'll have to face trials and tribulations along the way and we'll have to learn how to recover from them on our own. somewhere along the way...i turned into a cynic i suppose. i'm too young to be cynical...shouldn't i be able to dream and be optimistic in my youth? i definitely threw the whole astronaut idea out the window...and i managed to stop believing in love as well. so i ended up living my life day by day...not expecting anything from anyone...not expecting God to repay me for the hurt he's caused in the past...not expecting the world to go down with me.

then someone asked me....how do you do it? i don't really know actually...somewhere along this road called life i guess i turned a corner and ended up here. not many people end up where i am. i know a whole lot of people who are still searching for that one person.....hoping and waiting to fall in love. all i did was to just give up the whole idea that he exists. why would i do that? because there is no certainty that he does exist. there is no black and white document that states that i will meet a man and fall in love and that it will last forever. does that mean i will never fall in love? hell no! it just means that i don't expect to but if it does happen...then i'll let it happen. does that mean i'm emotionally detached? i have no idea....i could be. what's the point of living if there's no love? the hope that there might be in the future. my beliefs have changed over the years...i'm sure they'll change again in a couple of years and who knows...maybe they would be more optimistic beliefs.

so what's it like to live by the day? i guess it's my way of surviving. not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow (with the exception of work) makes tomorrow more interesting. it keeps me going...it keeps me on my toes. there's always hope that tomorrow might be a better day. isn't hope similar to expectation? and what happens if it's not? there's always the next day...and the day after that...and the day after that....

movies that i've watched in the past 2 days
- thirteen
- along came polly
- L.I.E

high of the day: seeing all my friends together at dinner

low of the day: waking up from my premature slumber and having to go to work looking alive

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Thursday, March 04, 2004

ss2 lady

to the lady at ss2 who runs the JY video store...i thank you. i've been visiting my movie supplier everyday for the past week. it's amazing how i can run through 3 movies a day and still have time to get my ass to work. today's movie was 'along came polly'. yesterdays movies were 'thirteen' and 'the passion of the christ'. two days ago it was 'gothika' and '50 first dates'. i'm surprised that i haven't ran out of things to watch yet. anyway...amongst all the movies that i've watched in the past few days...i have to admit that 50 first dates was probably the most entertaining and the passion of the christ was the most disturbing. i'm still in a state of shock...although i absolutely adore mel gibson and his work i have to say that this piece was highly disturbing. i know he's 'Jesus' and all but i don't think any human being can endure even a quarter of the torture that he was subjected to. anyway...i'm not going to get into that cause i have no intention of going into the bible and religion and stuff. just don't count on leaving the movie with your stomach in tact.

today was a slow day....actually...it was more of a short one. couldn't sleep this morning so i ended up doing crossword puzzles until 12 noon (thursday afternoon). anyway...managed to catch a few hours of sleep before going to work...which i realized was barely enough sleep cause i don't think i was very attentive in class today. but heck...i'm never attentive even with enough sleep. anyway....came home and for the first time in as long as i can remember my mom cooked. had some rice with fried fish and really sour soup (which i happen to like a whole lot). brings back memories of when my mom used to cook a lot....which in turn brings back memories of when my dad was still around...which then brings back memories of all the shit that happened during the months before my parents got seperated. something as simple as my mom cooking dinner can jog the unpleasant memory banks.

i ended up playing mahjong with my mom and bro once again which i have to say is becoming tedious. don't get me wrong...i enjoy mahjong...and i love my mom and my bro....it's just that no good can come out of gambling with family....especially when my mom is a newbie and i'm impatient. but then again...she's been claiming that she's a newbie for the past 1 plus year. i guess parents are not very fast learners when it comes to this kinda thing. heck...she doesn't even know how to fully utilize her handphone yet.

anyway....a funny thing happened...i went to bed with my crossword puzzles at about 1am...and i fell asleep. for those of you who don't know me yet...this is not something that happens a whole lot...actually..i don't remember falling asleep before 6am. the fucked up part about sleeping early is that i ended up waking up at 7am....and i don't have to go to work for another 10 hours. what the hell am i supposed to do till then? i don't think i wanna leave the house after the whole MyKad experience. oh...for those of you who didn't know...i went to renew my IC the other day and there was a massive jam outside my house at 7 in the morning. i mean common....who wakes up at 7am? in my opinion...anyone who has a day job in PJ or KL is just mad. i guess i could always watch movies no?

high of the day: sour soup

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Wednesday, March 03, 2004

white secrets?

'i'm going to tell you something but you must promise not to tell a single soul'. i've heard those words so many times. i was fresh out of high school and i started hanging out with a new bunch of people. new faces...new places...everything was new. i hardly saw my old friends anymore and it was never because i never wanted to see them or talk to them...we just drifted apart i suppose. anyway...with this new bunch of friends...i developed a bond that until now i still cherish. we shared many experiences together...many secrets...many adventures....at least that's what i thought.

now as i look back i realize that i never shared any secrets with them. they would tell me things about their families...their friends...their own personal self...their dreams...their fantasies...their emotions....everything. and i'd be the shoulder to cry on or the listening ear. i would try my best not to judge and not to upset them with my opinions...unless that's what they wanted me to do. and as always...i would keep those secrets to myself. i know i know...most of you who know me would say that i'm a gossip monger. one who talks about everything and anything. well...as hard as it may be for you guys to comprehend...there are certain things that i just don't talk about. there's a line between the things that i tell and the things that i don't. i talk about general things such as who's going out with who or who hates who but i never talk about people's emotions or their dreams....i never talk about a person's 'self' or what he/she confessed (ok maybe i did spill a few bits here and there once upon a time).

anyway...it got me to thinking....i personally don't share my emotions with others. if you've been following my blog...you'd probably know that i don't even know how i feel or what it feels like to have emotions anymore. to me...emotions are just words now. i don't even know who i am anymore. people always ask me things...they respect me...they understand me. over the years...i've gained a reputation of being a strong person...and independent one...a person who gets up when i've fallen. that's what it seems like from the outside...that's how i want it to seem like. i don't want to trouble people with my problems...i don't even want people to know whether there is a problem or not. i can't appear to be weak...i can't appear to be unable to handle my own problems.

but i realized something today....just because i confide in someone doesn't mean i can't handle my own problems. i don't think the people who confide in me are weak....i just think that they are looking for someone to listen...someone to hear them out and guide them....someone to knock them in the head and shake them back into reality. i want to be able to talk to my friends about myself. honestly...i don't think they'll be interested to hear about me cause i lead such an uneventful life....but at least they'll know who i am...how i feel. they'll know what happened to me on the way to work today....they'll know who said those nasty things about me....they'll know who i love or who i hate. well...they probably think they already know that but i must say...i can be deceiving. i'm a great pretender...i can act happy when i'm not...agreeable when i disagree...brutally honest when i want to or ice cold whenever i feel bitchy.

but then again...i have many friends...and i know they'll hear me out if need be. right now...i have no qualms...i have nothing to say...no emotions to spill out...and no intention of imposing on them. if and when i do...will i tell? i don't think so...but i think i should stop pretending that i'm carefree and untainted. is it right for me to keep my so called white secrets? well...sometimes i feel bad...i feel as if i'm lying to my friends about how i really feel or who i really am....but other times...i think it's for the best. why bother others with my trivial problems when it is so apparent that there are people out there with much bigger troubles? someone once told me that if i want to be close to a person i have to stop keeping secrets from them. we'll see....when the time comes.

high of the day: domino's beef pepperoni and cheese

low of the day: the passion of the christ

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Monday, March 01, 2004

the results are out

LOTR: the return of the king came out tops at the Oscars this year. i must say i'm pretty shocked...i did expect them to win something but not everything. i guess since the whole trilogy is finally over the Academy felt that peter jackson should be rewarded for his effort. although i absolutely loved the LOTR trilogy...i kinda felt that the return of the king wasn't exactly the best movie of the year. even on a whole...compared to the first 2 instalments...the return of the king was a bit of a disappointment. oh well...the oscars are over anyway.

didn't do much over the weekend...spent most of my time at home catching up on movies. if there's one thing i've learned over the weekend...it would be never to watch butterfly effect. i wasn't expecting much from the movie but i figured i had to see ashton take on a serious role. i must admit that he did pretty ok...not good but decent. the movie just sucked because there was no logical outline. no real beginning and no real ending.

i decided to recover from the whole butterfly effect experience by watching bowling for columbine. i must say that michael moore is a genius. it's actually not a movie but a documentary film that explores the topic of gun violence. unlike other documentaries...michael moore actually got involved in this one...going around and speaking to the public about the events that took place at the columbine high school as well as the shooting of a 6 year old girl by another 6 year old boy in littleton. it's interesting to hear the opinions of the general public in the states on how the whole event affected their lives and their opinions as to why it happened. it's not only touching but it's witty as well so kudos to michael moore.

tomorrow will be an early day. i'm finally going to go get the stupid MyKad thingey done...i've been postponing it for ages. i figured if i'm going to leave for singapore i might as well get it done before i go. i'll probably get a fine or something since my current i.c still depicts me as a 12 year old. need to renew my driving license as well. if it's not one thing it's always another. oh well...that's the price i have to pay for procrastinating. i doubt i'll get any sleep since i have to wake up at 6am so i think i'll go watch 50 first dates....and then if i have time i'll catch gothika as well.

here's a little confession...i'm actually a bit worried about my audition in singapore. haven't been practising...and my fingers are rusty....not to mention one finger in particular that is recovering from a minor dislocation. hrm...maybe i should stay home more often and work on my repetoire. i don't even know what to play....oh well...i guess i'll just have to wing it.

high of the day: doublecheeseburger

low of the day: going to the bank 2 minutes too late

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