Thursday, December 25, 2003
the return of feefs
after what seems to be a very long hiatus...i'm finally back but i'm pretty sure that no one really ever noticed my disappearance from the blogging scene. anyway...first up...christmas wishes. merry christmas...merry christmas.it's supposed to be a time of year where we celebrate the birth of christ. the one thing i've noticed is that none of my friends...at least the ones i'm close to...none of them went to church. most of us spent our christmas eves and christmas days gambling. i believe having open houses during christmas is just an excuse to gamble. it's the time of the year where we're given a sneak preview of things to come...Chinese New Year!!! i didn't feel very festive this season and up till yesterday afternoon i was still in a bad mood. but the one thing that gave the the christmas spirit was shopping for the kids at the orphanage. my friends and i collected a few hundred bucks (not nearly enough) to buy presents for the kids at the orphanage and the whole experience made me realize how lucky i was and how i should appreciate what i already have rather than to pine away about the things that i don't. seeing the smiles and laughters on the childrens faces was a reward in itself. i will definitely be contributing again next year.
but alas...the season of joy and giving is over as we usher in the new year. now it's time for us to reflect at the year that has passed. i can't say that i've done much this year. time could have stood still and i would still be in the same place. i haven't done anything that deserves an award...i haven't achieved anything of great heights....i haven't gone anywhere. but i'd like to think that i've made some new friends...and that i've grown closer to the old ones. i'd also like to think that i've strengthened my bond with my parents and my siblings. i've also managed to nurture the minds of my students. that should be enough for a years work.
what do i do next year? i hope to make even more friends....rediscover my beliefs....write a novel....and make someone smile :) until then....merry christmas and happy new year!
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feefs, 12:19 PM
Thursday, December 11, 2003
is ignorance really bliss
went to watch infernal affairs 3 today. normally it's not something i would do on a thursday night for two reasons.1. it's a chinese movie
2. i haven't watched part 1 and 2
i went to watch it anyway cause two people backed out last minute due to unexpected circumstances and i so happened to be free. so anyway...i didn't understand the movie.
i found out some important news about a friend today which shocked me and it's not because of the importance of the news but mainly because he didn't personally tell me about it. i had to find out from a mutual friend of ours that i hardly ever see. why was he hiding it from me? i talk to this friend once in awhile...bump into him occasionally. he had his window of opportunity but he still decided to keep it from me. his deviant behaviour led me to wonder the motives behind his actions...or should i say inactions.
everyday we experience new things. new challenges...new adventures...new beginnings...and sometimes even endings. certain things are regarded as trivial and others are regarded as turning points in our lives. we choose what we want to tell and to whom we want to divulge this information to. there are a few reasons as to why we keep certain things from certain people. trust definitely plays an important role in friendships and we would obviously prefer to confide in people that we trust about the more important and delicate things such as emotions and painful experiences. other things such as what i ate for lunch today and how my neighbours dog bit my shoe are trivial things that i don't mind telling anyone. people won't judge me based on what i ate or why my shoes look like cheese.
so does it all go back to judgement? we hide things from people for fear of being scorned and ridiculed? is that why gay people are so afraid to come out of the closet? is that why 20 year old boys are afraid to admit that they still play with their baby sisters barbie dolls? is that why we don't tell the people around us that we've had our hearts broken? we don't want to come off as weak...weird...insane. running off topic here.....
anyway...back to the point....
as i was trying to pinpoint the motives behind the secretive behaviour i wondered....was he afraid that it would affect me? i cannot deny that a certain amount of my happiness is derived from the happiness of my friends. if the people surrounding me are happy i would naturally be happy for them. but what happens if their happiness comes at your expense? initially i was disappointed to find out that he chose to keep it a secret from me. then it hit me...i suddenly felt insulted. does he think that i would be selfish enough to do something as disgusting as to mourn his happiness and his achievements? bottom line is...i'm not hurt. i'm not even affected by his decisions and his actions. i do feel offended by his inactions but after some careful thought i've decided not to hold it against him.
but in the case that it was something that would hurt me and affect me...would i want to know? if i had to know i'd want to hear it from the person himself/herself. i don't like to engage in all this 'i heard from a friend who heard from another friend' activity. have you ever played that game where you whisper something into someone’s ear and that person whispers what you just said to another and the process is repeated until it reaches about 15 people? what started out as ‘the elephant is big and hairy’ would be translated into ‘the telephone is neat and handy’. after the news has reached more or less 3 or 4 people...it gets skewed and twisted. i prefer to get first hand information especially when it's about the people i care most for.
they say that ignorance is bliss...is it really? what you don't know won't hurt you....that i know for sure. but is it right to go out of your way not to know so that you can protect yourself from any unwanted after affects? more importantly...is it right for us to keep certain things from our friends because we fear that it might hurt them? if we're such good friends we should be able to be open and honest enough with each other. we should be able to tell each other things without judging...without fear....without holding back. we should be able to rejoice in each others happiness even if it hurts us. i know i know....easier said than done.
by keeping things secret we're just digging an even bigger hole for ourselves. we start to question the friendship. we start to question the motives behind it. we start to doubt ourselves and each other. we're bound to hear it one way or another so why not from the source itself? sometimes i think that people hide because they want to save themselves the trouble of having to explain themselves. they wait for the person to approach them and they give the excuse of 'i was waiting for the right time to tell you'. as if the initial blow was not enough they have to make us feel even more like a fool by playing the 'i was waiting for the right time' card.
yes...i know...we are women and women have a tendency to 'freak out' and run amok. but by stereotyping us as 'unstable' it isn't an excuse to hide things from us. i'd like to believe that a fair amount of us are able to be cool..calm and collected. most of all...i'd like to believe that i can be. but that still doesn't answer my question...is it better to know?
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feefs, 1:42 PM
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
bad rep
on my way to work today...while i was stuck in a massive traffic jam along jalan damansara...i managed to catch a radio show of this guy i once met. he was discussing the topic of how women misinterpret certain innocent things that men say. some of the examples are....guy says: your friend is nice
girl interprets: your friend is hot and i'd like to get me some of that
guy says: are you going to change before we go out?
girl interprets: are you going to wear that 'ugly' thing out?
guy says: want to go to the gym and work out with me?
girl interprets: want to go to the gym and lose that spare tyre of yours as well as tone up those flabby thighs of yours?
i wouldn't disagree with him completely. i personally know some girls who do misinterpret certain things but i think it's unfair for guys to generalize girls as being so. girls are not that predictable....are we? anyway....it just got me to thinking about certain gender generalizations. girls like to gossip....girls like to shop....girls spend hours getting ready for a night out in town. guys are egoistic....guys are stubborn...guys are strong. but i know girls who are egoistic...stubborn and strong and i know guys who like to gossip...shop...and takes hours to get ready to go clubbing. so maybe there are exceptions to the rule.
someone once told me that men only need a few words to hold a conversation and women need a few paragraphs to say 'hi...how are you?'. i believe that we don't misintepret things. we dissect them and therefore we come off as we're being doubtful of its sincerity or its honesty. for example....if someone tells a girl 'i like what you're wearing'....these are a few things would run through her mind...
- are you serious or just being polite?
- was it meant to be sarcastic?
- i hope she doesn't go out and buy the same thing that i'm wearing
- my outfit must be terrible cause they've got terrible fashion sense
this is what runs through a guys mind...
- god damn i'm hot!!!
basically....guys take things at face value. they don't dissect...they don't criticise...and they hardly judge. girls on the other hand would do all of the above. it's harmful and sometimes it can be fun but we've gotten a bad rep because of it.
so it got me to thinking again....are we that bad? and if so...why do men still put up with us? if i hear a guy talking about a girl it could be either one of two things. either the girl is hot or they're complaining about them. it was then that i had an epiphany. maybe guys prefer to look at the bad instead of the good. they complain about the bad things in girls instead of appreciating the good stuff. maybe they just like to pick on the negatives.
so i guess the conclusion is that we all have our flaws and shortcomings. it would be nice if it was a well kept secret but i guess the bubble has popped. we still have to co-exist in order to pro-create. so i guess in the name of pro-creation we'll just have to accept things as they are and live with it.
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feefs, 3:04 PM
Monday, December 08, 2003
could it be??
i finally got a laptop today. settled for the fujitsu. actually i didnt exactly settle. i went out of my budget to get it. i'm pretty happy though. anyway...this is my first time using microsoft XP so i'm a little new with the setup and stuff. still learning. i also bought a new phone last week. not sure whether i mentioned it. these days i've been feeling like an aunty. i didn't know how to use the phone at first and it turns out my 12 year old student did and so she taught me a thing or two about it. i guess there are certain things that i can learn from the young ones.i'm listening to the soundtrack of meet joe black that my brother burned for me a couple of months back. for some reason i couldn't play it on my desktop but it works just fine on the laptop. if you're into instrumental stuff then you should pick up a copy of this album. it's really nice.
i was out having a drink with a friend sometime last week and he asked me for my 'number'. i don't mean my phone number or bank account number. he was asking for the number of guys that i've dated (it's funny how we don't 'date' anymore) or should i say have been involved with. this kind of information should only be given out to close friends or friends you know for a fact will not hold judgement. telling someone you just met your 'number' is not going to put him in your good books unless it's somewhere below 3.
anyway...we got to talking and i got to thinking. what's the average? we're in our early twenties...some of us reaching our mid twenties. what's not too much and not too little? i can safely say that i can count my serious intimate relationships with one hand. bear in mind that i stress on the serious part because we are in relationships all the time. it's a matter of whether it's an platonic one or a intimate one....a deeply emotional one or a shallow one. i have friends who've had only one serious relationship and i also have friends who've had up to 40 ex-girlfriends. i'm assuming that out of the 40...there were only (most to most) 10 serious ones.
what i'm wondering is....if you've had less than 2 ex's...does it make you a loser? if someone above the age of 20 tells me that he's got only 1 ex-girlfriend i'd probably think that there was something wrong with him.....there must be....if not why would he have only 1 ex-girlfriend. if someone above the age of 20 tells me that he's got between 3-6 girlfriends i'd probably just shrug it off and think it's normal. anything more than 7 and i'd think he's a village bicycle (we don't use that term for guys as often as we should). then it hit me....if a decent guy in his twenties has had so many relationships and it all didn't work out...could 'he' be the problem? maybe it's not so much about the 'us' but more of the 'him' that is the problem. similarly...it could be us that is the problem. maybe we're single not because we pick the wrong people....maybe we're single because we're the ones with the problem. it could be a physical problem...an emotional one...a commitment problem...it could be anything.
we prefer to place blame on others to make ourselves feel better. i know i do sometimes. what's important is pinpointing our faults and trying to rectify them. we learn lessons from every relationship that we've been in. these lessons are very important because we bring them into our next relationship. if the reason for all the past break ups is ourselves then we should try and figure out what our mistakes are so we don't repeat them in the future. if we insist that it's not our fault and continue remaining as is then there is a possibility that we might eventually get stuck with lines like 'it's not your fault...i just don't think this is working out anymore.' men only say that to save their asses anyway. and if we go on thinking that they actually mean it then we might be doomed.
lesson of the day....it's not good to have too little..and it's not good to have too much.
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feefs, 12:58 PM
Saturday, December 06, 2003
how do you know?
i was just taking this mensa puzzle that sui san had linked on her website and i managed to score 24 out of 33. apparently...if we get anything more than 19 we're considered genius but it's pretty easy once you get the hang of it. the trick is to figure out what the number is before everything else. once you've managed to get that done it's pretty easy.a couple of friends ended their relationships recently and a couple of other friends began new ones. and as i was talking to them about the joy and sadness of relationships...i began to wonder....when one relationship is over...another begins. and i'm not talking about the next boyfriend or the next girlfriend that comes along. i'm talking about the new kind of friendship that you have to cultivate with the person you just broke up with. how do you shift from being intimate one minute and 'just friends' the next?
if the relationship was intense then there's definitely going to be some expectations and mixed feelings looming around. some people take the easy way out....go on the rebound. being in a relationship will make you forget about your past relationships....at least for a fleeting moment. and eventually they hope that they'll fall in love with the rebound guy and if not...it's time to break up and go on another rebound. but there's bound to be emotional baggage lying around. you can't be friends with your ex because you're still in love with him but he doesn't love you...and you can't get into another intimate relationship because you still love your ex. so what do you do?
you go out and have fun. instead of pining over ex's and how you'll never be able to move on...you have to stop talking about him and just have fun. one good way of getting him out of your mind is by keeping yourself occupied. take up a new hobby...socialise more...get together with your friends more often. i know it might sound like you're just running away from it but eventually the past will just slip from your mind and you'll be wondering where the 1 year went. hopefully...once you've learned to put the past behind and you've gotten rid of all that mixed feelings and expectations...you'll be able to be friends with your ex and if the cosmic forces permit...find someone else to love.
i'm not exactly one to preech about the joys and sadness' of relationships. i haven't exactly been in love...but i can't say for sure. i might have been...i might not have been. i don't know what it feels like and i still don't. people always say that you'll know you're in love when you know everything about the person...his faults and his shortcomings...but you still love them anyway. in the first place....i don't know for sure what love feels like so how would i know whether i still love that person despite his shortcomings? does loving mean accepting and understanding? that can't be all it is...sometimes i think that it's all bullshit. maybe you accept it anyway cause you're a really patient and understanding person. maybe you can't accept it because you're a stubborn control freak. but who's to say you still don't love? does loving mean you'll have the butterflies-in-stomach-head-spinning-cloud-9 feeling? once again...that can't be all it is. isn't love supposed to be the reason for living. shouldn't it then be something grand....something greater than sex...or money or a massive house?
sometimes i look at people in love and i wonder....what makes them so sure that they're in love? is it because they think they are...therefore they are? so the question today is....how do you know when you're truly in love?
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feefs, 12:58 PM
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
common misconceptions....
moving back to being judgemental....i had a conversation with a friend the other day about the common misconceptions that people have about others based on first impressions. it is so easy for us to judge someone before trying to get to know them. when someone walks by wearing pink bell bottoms and a flourescent green tight fitting t-shirt we automatically tagged them as being ah beng (no offence to those who wear pink bell bottoms and flourescent green shirts or anything along those lines). when a pretty girl walks by we assume that she's already got a boyfriend (God forbid she's still single with such a pretty face). why do you think we call them 'dumb blondes'? basically what i'm trying to get to is the fact that we assume things about others before getting to know them. now my question is why?
could it be that we have such low self esteem that we place others below us so that we could feel better about ourselves. i wouldn't want to find out that the guy in the pink bell bottoms is a straight A student. i know it shouldn't bother me and i believe it wouldn't but when faced with the situation i can't say for sure that i'll honestly be unaffected.
could it be that we're afraid of what we don't know. people who seem strange to us have to be strange. if not...why are they wearing pink bell bottoms? could we be afraid to find out that they're exactly like us...just with different tastes for fashion? so we refuse to approach them and get to know them because we're afraid to find out what they're really like.
another common assumption is that attractive people are always unobtainable. either because they're already attached...because they have no brains or because they're snobby. why would someone make assumptions like that? i know some pretty people and they're all normal like everyone else. i suppose people tag them with such behaviour because they're in another league. why bother going up to them when we're going to be rejected? we're not worthy of such beauty so we create excuses to save ourselves from the potential humiliation.
i know i definitely am one of those judgemental people who make assumptions based on nothing. and i've been proven wrong one too many times. i know that first impressions are important and a persons outlook is the first thing we notice and therefore it has to be appealing. but doesn't that just sound a little shallow?
interesting point to ponder:
-the less attractive people are the ones who try harder.
-great beauty makes you stare but great ugliness will turn your head as well.
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feefs, 1:33 AM
Monday, December 01, 2003
what happened to....
i was at kfc yesterday buying dinner and there he was. looking as cool as i last remembered him. skinny...tall...frizzy hair that's styled to reach for the sky. i think the last time i saw him was almost 10 years ago...maybe less but it's been a long time. i was surprised to see him there. it was the return of 'fido dido'. he used to be the mascot for 7up...and apparently...he still is. i remember i used to draw him everywhere...on my notebooks...school desks...text books...and i definitely wasn't the only one cause my friends were all into him too. oh well...brings back memories no?Read more!
feefs, 3:41 AM
